Monday, 7 April 2014

How To Write A Homework Excuses Poem

The post I wrote before this was about how to write a gross food poem, but then I realized most of us don't need gross food poems as much as we need homework poems!

We're always looking for a few excuses taking a snooze on a hammock so that we can pour chloroform into their noses and hoist them onto our shoulders and show them off to everybody.  Popular ones include 'My Dog Ate My Homework', 'My Pen Ran Out of Ink And All The Malls Were Closed', 'I Flushed It Down The Toilet By Accident On Purpose'....if I've missed anyone out, I'm extremely sorry, but life's like that.  Boom.  

I figure I'm writing a blog post after too many days.

Anyway...

Step One: Get A Beat.

You gotta get a beat!

A beat that's really neat!
You gotta dance from your head to the toes on your feet!
You gotta get a beat!
Oh no, you cannot cheat!
If you write a poem with a beat, it'll be a feat!
Get a beat!

Step Two: Think Of All The Excuses.

Think of all the excuses

You used to make in school
When your teacher asked for homework--
You would feel like a fool.

You would trip over your laces
And make random funny faces
You would sharpen all your pencils
And you'd break all of your stencils

You would pray she'd forget
Or you'd think of a threat--
"If you don't gimme an A on this,
I'll kidnap your pet."

Oh, the excuses (excuses!)
All those wishes (the wishes!)
I remember all the excuses
That I used to make in school.

(This is more of a rap poem, I guess.)

Step Three: Exaggerate.

I was so tired

I slept like a log
I couldn't see my homework
Through the thick fog.
I had to go backpacking
From Delhi to Nevada
And I couldn't go to sleep
Without eating my piccata.

That sorta thing.

Step Four: Rhyme the thing.

You gotta rhyme the thing!

You gotta make it sing!
You gotta give it some quirk!
You gotta....do..your....homework.


So there, I showed you how to write
A homework poem
And most of my excuses, I'll say
That I stole 'em
Because today...
My homework was to write a homework poem!

When you write a good poem, remember not to boast
'Cause if you do, someone could turn you into toast
(Or worse, chicken roast)
Now see you on the next post!



Want to read some of my other poems?  Click here!



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~ the last question.

will i find myself  at your doorstep again? will i drag myself always almost falling asleep smell the daffodils growing in spurts and ...