How To Write A Homework Excuses Poem

The post I wrote before this was about how to write a gross food poem, but then I realized most of us don't need gross food poems as much as we need homework poems!

We're always looking for a few excuses taking a snooze on a hammock so that we can pour chloroform into their noses and hoist them onto our shoulders and show them off to everybody.  Popular ones include 'My Dog Ate My Homework', 'My Pen Ran Out of Ink And All The Malls Were Closed', 'I Flushed It Down The Toilet By Accident On Purpose'....if I've missed anyone out, I'm extremely sorry, but life's like that.  Boom.  

I figure I'm writing a blog post after too many days.

Anyway...

Step One: Get A Beat.

You gotta get a beat!
A beat that's really neat!
You gotta dance from your head to the toes on your feet!
You gotta get a beat!
Oh no, you cannot cheat!
If you write a poem with a beat, it'll be a feat!
Get a beat!

Step Two: Think Of All The Excuses.

Think of all the excuses
You used to make in school
When your teacher asked for homework--
You would feel like a fool.

You would trip over your laces
And make random funny faces
You would sharpen all your pencils
And you'd break all of your stencils

You would pray she'd forget
Or you'd think of a threat--
"If you don't gimme an A on this,
I'll kidnap your pet."

Oh, the excuses (excuses!)
All those wishes (the wishes!)
I remember all the excuses
That I used to make in school.

(This is more of a rap poem, I guess.)

Step Three: Exaggerate.

I was so tired
I slept like a log
I couldn't see my homework
Through the thick fog.
I had to go backpacking
From Delhi to Nevada
And I couldn't go to sleep
Without eating my piccata.

That sorta thing.

Step Four: Rhyme the thing.

You gotta rhyme the thing!
You gotta make it sing!
You gotta give it some quirk!
You gotta....do..your....homework.


So there, I showed you how to write
A homework poem
And most of my excuses, I'll say
That I stole 'em
Because today...
My homework was to write a homework poem!

When you write a good poem, remember not to boast
'Cause if you do, someone could turn you into toast
(Or worse, chicken roast)
Now see you on the next post!



Want to read some of my other poems?  Click here!

P.S. I've added Disqus comments on here.  Please click on the time-stamp near the end of the post to comment.  (If you don't have a Disqus account, you can still comment as a guest with a custom name.) Thank you!

The Other Side

A few months ago I read an article in Reader's Digest.  I don't remember the name of the article, but it inspired me to write this poem:

The Other Side

There, on the other side of the fence, the grass is greener.

There, on the other side of the fence, people hurry through the green fields,

Trampling the patches of golden sunflowers in between.

They’re too busy; they have something else to live for.  Maybe it’s more 

important.

There, on the other side of the fence, no one drinks and no one cheats.

At least that’s what they show to us.  Who knows what really happens.

There, on the other side of the fence, it is always sunny and the clouds

Never frown at you.

There, on the other side of the fence, there is a big red barn

Where all the animals live together in peace and harmony.

There, on the other side of the fence, no one fights and no one swears.

Everyone has money.

So there, on the other side of the fence, there is perpetual happiness.

Or so it seems.

Here, on my side of the fence, there are dark clouds, rain,

Fights, tears, outbursts, penniless people, deaths, deadlines

And no ice in my darned soda.  It’s too hot outside.

Here, on my side of the fence, if you just glance at it for a few seconds, there is only misfortune.

But if you look closer, you will see that here, on my side of the fence, people’s problems make them stronger,

They realize that adversity is necessary for success,

And that everything isn’t really a bed of roses.

If there are no problems, how will they push their boundaries?

How will they touch the stars?

On my side of the fence, people grow as they face challenges.

On my side of the fence, people lead fuller lives.

On my side of the fence, there is darkness, but there is also room for light.

After all, what is good without bad?  What is light without darkness?

On my side of the fence, people do their best to bring that light into the lives of others around them.

On my side of the fence, we try our best to earn money, but we also try our best not to be superficial.

On my side of the fence, happiness and misery co-exist.

Now, imagine if someone tears the fence down, and my side and the other side isn’t really there anymore.

Will they become like us, or will we become like them?

*

Thank you for reading; see you on the next post!

Want to see another one of my poems?  Click here!

P.S. I've added Disqus comments on here.  Please click on the time-stamp near the end of the post to comment.  (If you don't have a Disqus account, you can still comment as a guest with a custom name.) Thank you!